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Added 9/4/2014
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
Added 2/13/2009
An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one ...
Added 9/16/2008
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse ...
Added 9/16/2008
On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...
Added 8/19/2008
1. Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the ...
Added 7/21/2008
Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer. Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the ...
Added 7/15/2008
You know you're a Floridian if... Socks are only for bowling. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes. A good parking place has ...
Added 6/24/2008
Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...
Added 1/10/2008
1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all! 2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...
Added 1/10/2008
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The i-Tit will cost $499 or $599 ...
Added 1/10/2008
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
Added 11/27/2007
But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...
Added 11/27/2007
Dear recipient, Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender ...
Added 11/27/2007
"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection" "Away in a Drunk Tank" "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means" "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected" ...
Added 10/8/2007
Fathers Pietro and George are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. Father Pietro looks at the other priest's equipment and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on the ...
Added 10/8/2007
The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin ...
Added 10/8/2007
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, ...
Added 9/20/2007
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
Added 9/5/2007
By an anonymous Trekkie. 10. Noisy doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...
Added 8/30/2007
An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first ...
Added 6/27/2007
After 6 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime ...
Added 6/9/2007
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. My wife really ...
Added 6/1/2007
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get ...
Added 2/4/2007
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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