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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we
were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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New State Mottos
Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona
But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing ...
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OXYMORON LIST (April 1998)
(Oxymoron - - an epigrammatic witty, often paradoxical effect, by which contradictory terms are used in conjunction)
50. Act naturally
49. Found ...
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A Dutchman, an Australian, and a New Zealander are in Saudi Arabia,
sharing a smuggled crate of booze when Saudi police rush in and arrest
them. The mere possession of alcohol ...
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A woman went to the Doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the
new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she
burst out, screaming as she ran down ...
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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...
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PLANT CITY, FL - Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item - Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J ...
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Every morning Bill Clinton takes a jog in his new home town of
Chappaqua.
Each day he passes a hooker on a particular street corner and, as he
goes by, she shouts out, ...
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Who created the character of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"?
(Hint - it wasn't Gene Autry.)
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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says
that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and ...
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to
himself, "This driver is just as ...
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HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED
======================================
Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks
on rare occasions for himself, ...
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Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft
Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And
Mr. Data, have you been able to access ...
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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed ...
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I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who
fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in ...
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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy ...
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A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior
culture.
The Greek said, "We have the Parthenon." The Italian said, "We have the
Coliseum."
...
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Who said "A sewer worker is like a brain surgeon. We're both specialists."
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In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing ...
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A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there he notices this bowl of peanuts beside her bed
and takes one. As they talk, he can't ...
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