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Just turned 50...
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned
to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow ...
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Happy Halloween
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a
terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being
a devoted ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the ...
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HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED
======================================
Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks
on rare occasions for himself, ...
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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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The day after losing his wife in a diving accident,
a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska
State Troopers.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. ...
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Who wrote the Christmas song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"?
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The top 20 thinnest books
20. HOW TO LAND A PLANE AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD - by JFK, Jr.
19. HOW TO PLEASE WOMEN - by John Bobbit
18. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. ...
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Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon
after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she
remarries and over the following ...
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Phases of Life for an IT Professional Phase 1: As a Junior Programmer you're in awe of how smart your superiors and colleagues are. Phase 2: As a Mid-level Programmer you ...
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Rejected Hallmark Cards:
So your daughter's a hooker
And it spoiled your day
Look at the bright side
She's a really good lay.
You totalled your car
And can't ...
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A local florist just went out of business, but it was his own fault. He kept getting his orders mixed up. One woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business ...
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A dictionary for software engineers:
Alpha: Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in
getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta: Software ...
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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have ...
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I pulled into a crowded mall parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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Who says aeronatuical engineers don't have a sense of humor.
Page 46 of Lockheed Martin's F-35 computer middleware presentation
* Theory is when you know everything and ...
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These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a
little proof-reading would provide...
National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the ...
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HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car
with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer
at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) ...
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Top 10 Questions You Should Never Ask When Being Interviewed For A Job :
1. What's your company's policy on severance pay?
2. How long does it take your company's ...
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1. Democrats get to keep shooting until one gets par
or an acceptable score.
2. Democrats are allowed to keep score by hand,
Republicans are not allowed to keep score at ...
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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the
trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general
began to throw his weight around to try ...
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