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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV,
and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but ...
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TRUE FUNNY STORIES
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I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she ...
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You can view all of the News of the Weird at http://www.newsoftheweird.com/
(We have removed actual News of the Weird items to avoid possible copyright infringement.)
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GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either
with us or ...
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I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in
front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to
avoid hitting her. This ...
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes
over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the
woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her ...
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A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains ...
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates, and are comparing stories on how they had died.
"I froze to death," said the first woman.
"You froze to death, how horrible!" ...
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A little old man shuffled slowly...
into an ice cream parlor.
He pulled himself slowly...
painfully...
up onto a stool...
After catching his breath...
he ordered a ...
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Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are:
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct ...
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( We take you now to the Oval Office... )
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: ...
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George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see
from the bedroom window. ...
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1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
...
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A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have
two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest ...
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Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 US leader
Q: What did the sign on the ...
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1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind ...
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It may be hard to believe how times have
changed in the last 100 years.
"100 Years Ago"
The average life expectancy in the United States
was forty-seven.
Only 14 ...
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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of the
sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and in a ...
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A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little
boy, is your mother home?"
...
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Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away
and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
- ...
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Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour
peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced
youngster was up to, he politely asked,
"What ...
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