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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend,just as I've done. I don't care if you lick ...
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Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day ... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of ...
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Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood
late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they
are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, ...
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There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
- Anderson, Jeremy S.
If you put a billion monkeys in ...
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After 6 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a ...
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No Mexican Jews .
Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. "Sid," asked Al,
"are there any Jews in Mexico?"
I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the ...
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There were three country churches in a small Texas town: the Presbyterian
church, the Methodist church and the Catholic church. Each church was
overrun with pesky squirrels.
...
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Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program
shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and
12-paragraph disclaimer notice ...
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In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing ...
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( We take you now to the Oval Office... )
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: ...
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Once again, Beloit College has found new ways to make us feel old...
Beloit, Wis. - In the coming weeks, a new generation of students will
arrive on campuses throughout the ...
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Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural,
wholesome things that money can buy."
Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? ...
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Mrs. Ashley telephoned the headquarters of the infantry near Great Oaks, her
ancestral home. "This is Mrs. Chauncey
Ashley the Third, and with Thanksgiving coming up, I thought ...
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Queen Elizabeth's husband, Prince Philip, recently got into trouble for
telling a young boy he was too fat to be an astronaut. Here then are a
few other choice quotes from ...
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A local man was found murdered in his home this weekend.
Detectives at the scene found this man face down in his bath tub. The
tub had been filled with milk and corn flakes, ...
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THINGS YOU CAN'T SAY WITH A HALLMARK
"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder: What the f_ck was I thinking"
"Congratulations on your ...
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TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. ...
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Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and
were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell,
so brides carried ...
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Bill & Hillary had Al & Tipper Gore over for dinner at the White House. In the middle of dinner, Al excused himself to use the bathroom. After a couple of minutes, he came back. ...
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