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1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
...
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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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GOOD:
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 10-year-old boy
was standing up the road with a hand ...
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Who originally said...
"My greatest wish is that none of my children become lawyers."
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For high school and college graduates, here is a list of 11 things they did
not learn in school. In his book, Bill Gates talks about how feel-good,
politically correct ...
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We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico ...
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Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.
Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, ...
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Friday January 26 12:27 PM ET
Police Not Amused by Breakfast Prank
DALLAS (Reuters) - A police dispatcher who tasted something funny when
she bit into a breakfast tortilla ...
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George W. Bush quotes:
"Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it."
"It's one thing about insurance, that's a Washington term."
"I think we ...
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
A: "Dam!"
...
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YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN....
* Your potted plants stay alive.
* Having sex in a twin sized bed is absurd.
* You keep more food than beer in the ...
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Jesus, Moses and God were out playing golf one day. Jesus teed
off first, and the ball flew straight over the fairway, landed in the
green and rolled to within a couple feet of ...
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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why ...
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"A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke" by Joseph Lucas
All electrical components and wiring harnesses depend on proper
circuit functioning, which is the transmission of ...
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The World Health Organization (WHO) has just issued an urgent warning about
BARS (Beer Alcohol Requirement Syndrome). A newly identified problem has
spread rapidly throughout ...
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You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! Good dog! Good dog!
...
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There was a midget (little person) down in Texas whose testicles ached
almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him what the
problem was.
The doctor told ...
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A blonde is going on her first trip overseas. She drives all the way to
Miami to apply for a passport. In the passport office, the government
official sees that she is visibly ...
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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
...
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A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a
woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a
woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ...
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