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If Men Ruled the World...
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable
response to "I love you."
- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name ...
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.")
...
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Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.
Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, ...
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My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. ...
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One
of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next ...
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went ...
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The New Pope Ratzinger was not the first choice for Pope. As I understand it, Ratzinger was not the Cardinals first choice. Interestingly, they were considering Cardinal Hans ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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Network Blitz
While I was driving down the road the other day (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side with a ...
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The New Survivor Show
Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?
6 men will be dropped on an island with 1 van and 4 kids each, for 6
weeks.
Each kid plays ...
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Trent Dilfer recently returned home and had an incredibly hard time
getting into the front door. It seems someone painted an end zone in
front of the house.
Trent Dilfer was ...
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A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish ...
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The Amish and Elevators...
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by
almost everything they saw, but especially two shiny, silver walls in the ...
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A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance.
1. A dog
2. A ...
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The pharmacy
One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak to the pharmacist. "I am the pharmacist," she informed ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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How would our lifes be different if Microsoft built cars?
1. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.
2. You would constantly be pressured to upgrade your car.
3. You ...
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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students
might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas
season emphasis on His birth.
...
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Rest in Peace, Colonel Klink
Thursday December 07 10:06 PM EST
Werner Klemperer, the man guaranteed tube immortality as the bumbling Colonel Klink on TV's Hogan's Heroes, ...
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