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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
Viewed 13 times
The post office just recalled their newest stamps:
they had pictures of lawyers on them...and the people couldn't figure
out which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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LITTLE JOHNNY ON SEX
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting
on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of sex ...
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Happy Jan. 20th... Which is also known as...
Feast Day of St. Paula the Bearded
According to fourth-century legend, Paula was pursued by an enraptured youth into a church, ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class; as the
teacher walked into the classroom, she notices something written on
the blackboard: "T T T 1 A"
She looks ...
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Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how
nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and
without an argument go ...
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"Remember your army loves you"
- Sergeant Diaz of the Colombian Army (no first name given), during the
debut of the new Colombian Army's new mascot, a large inflatable ...
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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all! 2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...
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A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a
woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a
woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ...
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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Redneck Yacht...
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Bill of Rights restated
State Representative Mitchell Kaye of Georgia wrote the following:
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get ...
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
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You know you're a Floridian if... Socks are only for bowling. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes. A good parking place has ...
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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A business owner in Texas was confused about paying an invoice minus the
early payment discount, so he decided to ask his secretary for some
mathematical help. He called her ...
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One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." ...
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