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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all
the animals. It was fascinating." ...
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Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a
redhead, and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks
if she has any ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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1. Democrats get to keep shooting until one gets par
or an acceptable score.
2. Democrats are allowed to keep score by hand,
Republicans are not allowed to keep score at ...
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Top Ten Things Only Women Understand:
10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
...
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A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices ...
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A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from
town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from
town. Things were getting hot and heavy ...
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A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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You find out interesting things when you have sons, like... 1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2.) If you spray ...
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A blonde is going on her first trip overseas. She drives all the way to
Miami to apply for a passport. In the passport office, the government
official sees that she is visibly ...
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Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner
with God. During dinner He told them: "I need three important people
to send my message out to all ...
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Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf in Heaven one day.
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the
fairway but rolled directly toward a ...
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A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to his place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. They pet for ...
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"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." - Anonymous "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are ...
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A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who immediatley comes over to her. When he arrives, she seductively ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when
game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are
now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...
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Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed
couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special
requirements for new parishioners. ...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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There was a blond bowling team and a brunette bowling team and they
rented a double decker bus to take them to the bowling alley. The blond
team sat in the upper level, and the ...
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