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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA:
10. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper
9. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron
8. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there ...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ...
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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the
trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general
began to throw his weight around to try ...
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You know you are from Michigan when:
- You own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup
- You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit
- You have more ...
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The Lineage Revealed: Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe ...
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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home, and since ...
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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line
of judgement. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed
to march right through the ...
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THE GEORGE BUSH Virus...
(Causes your computer to think it won the election, even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.)
THE AL GORE Virus...
(Causes your ...
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Number10:
"Scattered @#$% ing showers, my ass!"
- Noah, 4314 BC
Number 9:
"How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagorus, 126 BC
Number 8:
"You want WHAT ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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During camouflage training, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a
sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You jackass!" the
officer barked. "Don't you ...
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Mrs. Ashley telephoned the headquarters of the infantry near Great Oaks, her
ancestral home. "This is Mrs. Chauncey
Ashley the Third, and with Thanksgiving coming up, I thought ...
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Redneck birth control
After having their 11th child, a Missouri couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his ...
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30 Signs You Are No Longer A Kid......
1.) You're asleep, but others worry that you're
dead.
2.) Your back goes out more than you do.
3.) You quit trying to hold your ...
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THE TROUBLE WITH COUNTRY......
There was once a medical student specializing in pathology who truly
wanted to excel in his studies. Without fail, he would daily visit the ...
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COULD IT BE?
An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young
man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair, a pierced nose ring,
and colored eye makeup.
...
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President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
"What is it?" exclaims the President.
"It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. ...
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I pulled into a crowded mall parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to ...
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Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch, or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when ...
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