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Funeral Procession

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A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second ...

TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA

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TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA: 10. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper 9. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron 8. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there ...

Laws of Physics

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Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch, or you'll have  to pee. Law of the  Workshop: Any tool, when ...

Frog

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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release ...

Some of My Favorite Christmas Carols...

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"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection"  "Away in a Drunk Tank"  "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means"  "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected"  ...

Valentine's Day Poetry

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These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line: Love may be beautiful, love may be ...

...walks into a bar

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Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." A sandwich walks into a bar. ...

Quotes 2

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Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as ...

Things NOT to say to the nice police officer

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Things NOT to say to the nice police officer: I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. ...

The Amish and Elevators

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The Amish and Elevators... An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially two shiny, silver walls in the ...

Land title

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One of the best examples of how ridiculous government paperwork can be is illustrated by a recent case in Louisiana. A company president was trying to buy some land in ...

A Blonde and a Brunette

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A blonde and a brunette are both in an elevator.  On the third  floor a man gets on who's perfect:  Italian suit, handsome,  great build  with a nice ...

How Many Dogs...

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How Many Dogs/Cats Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside ...

Witness

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In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing ...

Dogs and Cats

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WHAT IS A CAT ? 1) Cats do what they want 2) They rarely listen to you 3) They're totally unpredictable 4) They whine when they are not happy 5) When you want to ...

Out of college too long

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YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN.... * Your potted plants stay alive. * Having sex in a twin sized bed is absurd. * You keep more food than beer in the ...

Bathroom Graffiti

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BATHROOM GRAFFITI: "To some it's a six pack, to me it's a support group." "The poor folks in Arkansas won't be celebrating Thanksgiving this year, they sent their turkey to ...

Two men in locker room

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Two men are in a locker room. One notices the other has a cork in his rectum. He says, "How'd you get a cork in you rectum?" "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over ...

The Pope's Hat

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The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac... sailing on the pres. yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a ...

Blonde Joke 6

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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and ...

Santa's Little Helpers

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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LIVING IN THE YEAR 2002 WHEN...

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1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not have e-mail addresses. 2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 3. ...

Blonde Jokes

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BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the ...

Chinese Proverbs

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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car, get tired. Man who run behind car, get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. ...

 

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