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Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

The Ultimate Urban Legend

Viewed 13 times
The Ultimate Urban Legend... I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating ...

Cowboys

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Two cowboys were leanin up against the rail at their favorite bar. They're tired and worn out from a long day, havin a couple of longnecks, just relaxin and talkin, watchin ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

Buttons

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INSULTS ======== * Do they ever shut up on your planet? * Earth is full. Go home. * And which dwarf are you? * If I throw a stick, will you leave? * Whatever kind ...

Childrens Book Titles You'll Never See

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Childrens Book Titles You'll Never See You Were an Accident Strangers Have the Best Candy The Little Sissy Who Snitched Some Kittens Can Fly! The Protocols of the ...

A young man went to a pharmacy...

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The pharmacy One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak to the pharmacist. "I am the pharmacist," she informed ...

Ralph and Edna

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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the ...

Barbie's letter to Santa

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Dear Santa:  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...

Forest Gump goes to Heaven

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Heavenly Entrance Exam The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, ...

10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say

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10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say: 10) "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex" 9) Duct tape won't fix that 8) Come to think of it I'll have a Heiniken's ...

Advice For Our Armed Forces

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If the enemy is in range, so are you. Incoming fire has the right of way. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire. There is always a way. The easy way is always mined. ...

MacGregor the Fence Builder

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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by ...

Charlie Brown

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A few years ago Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang made a new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special entitled, "Why Me, Charlie Brown?" Recently MetLife put ...

Haircut

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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy ...

Wal-Mart Wine

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PLANT CITY, FL - Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item - Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J ...

Cow Watch - 2002 (Update 2-26-2002)

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Fugitive Cow Finally Captured The bovine escapee who eluded Cincinnati's finest for 12 days is finally behind bars tonight. It took the SPCA, three decoy cows, and two shots ...

Quote of the week 8

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Quote of the week "I think he's got quite the balls to open up a store nude.'' - Toronto city councilor George Mammoliti, referring to store owner Malcolm Scott's practice ...

Feminine Mystique

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WOMEN: Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women ...

Speeding ticket

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For anyone who has ever gotten a speeding ticket... This guy is flying down the road, and he comes over a bridge. Sure enough, a cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other ...

Rooster

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A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens ...

Tales of the Non-Technology Inclined

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COMPUTER, POWER STRIP  I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not ...

Little Johnny (show-and-tell)

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One Monday morning, Little Johnny's kindergarten teacher, Miss Needlemeyer, decided to have a special show-and-tell session in which each child could tell about something ...

 

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