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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods...
1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do ...
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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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A Man's Guide to What a Woman Is Really Saying
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you ...
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A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on
the front porch with her bags packed.
He asked her where she was going, and she replied, "I'm going
to Las ...
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It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive.
"Dead," she was informed. "How do you know?", she asked. "Because I pissed in his
ear ...
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject
and finally after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made
for the nearest frozen lake. ...
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Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We
don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read
in the newspaper that most ...
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"The Five Commercials Aired During The Lewinsky/Walters
Interview" (and yes, these really did air during the interview)
5. Victoria's Secret lingerie.
4. Burger King - ...
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A recent Cincinnati Inquirer headline read, "Smell of baked bread may be health hazard." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, ...
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A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers
stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign
on the door saying
"NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR ...
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and the moral of the story is.....
One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of story and then conclude with the moral of that story. ...
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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she ...
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Blonde Riding
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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Elmer, an 80 year-old stumbled into the doctor's office all
excited and in a tither.
"doc .. I've lost my hearing!" Elmer yelled.
"let's examine the problem," the doc said. ...
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Monday October 8 7:14 AM ET
Police Use Helicopter for Doughnut Run
ALBUQUERQUE (Reuters) - An Albuquerque policeman and his pilot face disciplinary measures after using a ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...
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A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior
culture.
The Greek said, "We have the Parthenon." The Italian said, "We have the
Coliseum."
...
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Into an Irish pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over
by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking ...
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A while back, there were two kingdoms situated close by each other. One
kingdom had a powerful king, and the other had a relatively weak king. The
difference, or so everybody ...
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