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Nerds Forever

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The answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?", I submit the following: Michael Jordan makes over $300,000 a game. That = $10,000 a minute, at an ...

25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

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1.  Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.  You keep more food than beer in the ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Presidential Quotes

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What US president once said "It is a good thing I am not a woman, as I would always be pregnant, for I cannot say no"

Vatican Bathroom

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Fathers Pietro and George are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.  Father Pietro looks at the other priest's equipment and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on the ...

Computer Problems

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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum ...

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

Famous Quotes on Sex

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Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? ...

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft

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Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

English

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The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, ...

Resusci-Annie

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Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

12 Rules for Life

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Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are: 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct ...

20 thinnest books

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The top 20 thinnest books 20. HOW TO LAND A PLANE AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD - by JFK, Jr. 19. HOW TO PLEASE WOMEN - by John Bobbit 18. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. ...

For the Golf fans out there.

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Jesus joined a threesome on the first hole. The drive had to be hit over two small lakes to reach a green surrounded by sandtraps. Jesus said "OK, I'll do this one. If Palmer ...

Interesting statistic from a DC Analyst in Training

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If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22  months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that  gives a ...

Golf on Christmas

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Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go ...

Quote (2)

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Who said "A sewer worker is like a brain surgeon. We're both specialists."

MacGregor the Fence Builder

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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by ...

George W. Bush Quotes

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George W. Bush quotes: "Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it." "It's one thing about insurance, that's a Washington term." "I think we ...

Golf

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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next ...

Holmes and Watson

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and ...

 

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