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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy ...
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George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see
from the bedroom window. ...
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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look
out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I
built that fence stone by ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children, "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, ...
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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says
that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and ...
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
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1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make
as ...
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Thanksgiving Dinner
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm
telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart
won't be coming, I've ...
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I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important
information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the
internet, but from a mentor, and on a ...
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A Dutchman, an Australian, and a New Zealander are in Saudi Arabia,
sharing a smuggled crate of booze when Saudi police rush in and arrest
them. The mere possession of alcohol ...
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"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we
were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why ...
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An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small
tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the
first time we had sex together ...
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"But we're not homophobic... we are compassionate towards anyone who
wants to try and give up that kind of lifestyle."
- The Rev Dr. Glenn Davies, rector of St Luke's, Sydney, ...
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New State Mottos
Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona
But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing ...
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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you
asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems; my arthritis is acting up, my ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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PLANT CITY, FL - Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item - Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J ...
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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Redneck Yacht...
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Every morning Bill Clinton takes a jog in his new home town of
Chappaqua.
Each day he passes a hooker on a particular street corner and, as he
goes by, she shouts out, ...
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A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs
on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches
and says, "We don't serve beer to ...
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Who created the character of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"?
(Hint - it wasn't Gene Autry.)
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For high school and college graduates, here is a list of 11 things they did
not learn in school. In his book, Bill Gates talks about how feel-good,
politically correct ...
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