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Anger Management

Viewed 12 times
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Community Service

Viewed 10 times
One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." ...

The Druggist

Viewed 10 times
A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic. The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" The lady say's "To kill my husband." ...

Hollywood Squares 2

Viewed 9 times
Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...

Metrics

Viewed 9 times
USEFUL METRIC CONVERSIONS 1 million microphones: 1 phone 1 million phones: 1 megaphone 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds 10 ...

Vatican Bathroom

Viewed 8 times
Fathers Pietro and George are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.  Father Pietro looks at the other priest's equipment and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on the ...

Nuns

Viewed 8 times
Nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several Nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be ...

Capitalism and Cows

Viewed 8 times
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Quick One 3

Viewed 8 times
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing ...

Texas Math

Viewed 7 times
A business owner in Texas was confused about paying an invoice minus the early payment discount, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her ...

Famous Quotes on Sex

Viewed 7 times
Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? ...

Redneck Joke

Viewed 7 times
Redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: "I've got a hot date for tonight, an' I needs me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them thar rubbers gonna cost me?" To which the ...

Dogs and Cats

Viewed 7 times
WHAT IS A CAT ? 1) Cats do what they want 2) They rarely listen to you 3) They're totally unpredictable 4) They whine when they are not happy 5) When you want to ...

Plane Ride

Viewed 7 times
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

Viewed 6 times
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

Boys

Viewed 6 times
You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...   1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.   2.) If you spray ...

Funnies

Viewed 6 times
I was in the express lane at the store. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.  The ...

Computer Problems

Viewed 6 times
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum ...

30 Years

Viewed 6 times
What a difference 30 years makes: 1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund 1972: KEG 2002: EKG ...

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

Viewed 6 times
1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

Divine Interventions

Viewed 6 times
I don't usually links to other websites, but when I stumbled across this one while wandering the outer fringes of the Internet, I knew I had to make an exception... (Be ...

A Man and His Tool

Viewed 6 times
A guy walks into a doctor's office and stutters, "Da-da-doc, I've ba-ba-been sta-sta-stuttering for ye-ye-years, and I ca-ca-can't stand it anymo-mo-more! Can you he-he-help me?" ...

Mental Health Hotline

Viewed 6 times
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Martha's Way

Viewed 6 times
Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for ...

 

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