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The day after losing his wife in a diving accident,
a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska
State Troopers.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. ...
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THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS:
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have
anyone to ...
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Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everett Sanchez tried
to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving
once again that beer ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating
was having a problem. No matter ...
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Dear Mom and Dad:
It has been four months since I left for college. I have been remiss in
writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will bring you up to
date now, ...
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed ...
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They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse ...
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By an anonymous Trekkie. 10. Noisy doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...
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Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day ... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of ...
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This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the
two words Lewinsky (the Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a
limerick. Here are the three winners: ...
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A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know
what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The
4-year-old nods his head in ...
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At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Sign over a gynecologist's office
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a military ...
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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Why Condoms Come In Packages
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To ...
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Gives the words "bad day" a whole new perspective...
Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of
Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore ...
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Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.")
...
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These are things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Eve
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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their
horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would
feel objects from pumice stones ...
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BACKSEAT DRIVER
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The following exchange takes place.... The man says, "What's
the problem officer?"
Officer: ...
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Dear Abby -
I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Army, and I have a second cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi hate literature to Girl Scouts and my ...
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A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"
The preacher ...
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