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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a ...
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the
kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: ...
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The Ultimate Urban Legend...
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's
(sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people,
celebrating ...
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You know you work in corporate America in the 90's if:
1. You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
2. Your company welcome sign is ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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Martha's way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom ...
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ...
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One
of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next ...
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Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized. The island is a direct ...
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President Clinton got together with some of his golf buddies for a round.
When they got ready to tee off on hole No. 1, Clinton removed his golf jacket
and revealed that he had ...
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IS THAT LOGICAL?
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and
thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to
see the counselor, ...
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GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, com-corder, ...
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A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to ...
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New Rule: Stop the pop-up ads for Classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I ...
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A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says:
"Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"
"No, no," says the ...
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This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the
two words Lewinsky (the Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a
limerick. Here are the three winners: ...
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"He's not the brightest cookie in the lamp."
"Predicting is difficult, especially when it involves the future."
"That thing was jumping up and down like a sieve."
"We will ...
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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and ...
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Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the
truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer ...
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Into an Irish pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over
by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking ...
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