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There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
- Anderson, Jeremy S.
If you put a billion monkeys in ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates, and are comparing stories on how they had died.
"I froze to death," said the first woman.
"You froze to death, how horrible!" ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to ...
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God Created Women.
God created woman and she had 3 breasts.
He then asked the woman, "Is there anything
you'd like to have changed?"
She replied, "Yes, could get rid of ...
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At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later
discovered to be a public school teacher, was
arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
of a compass, a ...
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After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need
repair or correction. The ...
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies." He responded.
"Oh. Killing ...
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject
and finally after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made
for the nearest frozen lake. ...
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Public Statement by the Rev. Jesse Jackson
Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of
procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to ...
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Best case scenario.
January 4, 2000
Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation
time over the past 100 year(s). ...
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..No kudos from BugNet
Since 1994 the editors of BugNet have presented an award to a soft-
ware company for the year's best bug-fix performance. This year the
editors ...
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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The ...
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After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally the ...
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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual ...
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Congress, the press, and the bureaucracy too often focus on how much money or effort is spent, rather than whether the money or effort actually achieves the announced goal.
When ...
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There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.
As every cat owner knows, you don't really own a cat, the cats owns you.
...
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While watching March Madness, my wife and I got into a conversation About life and death and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation, I told her that I ...
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A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WAVE AT HIM AND SAY'S HELLO. HE'S RATHER TAKEN ABACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE ...
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SIGN POSTED AT A GOLF CLUB IN Pendleton, Oregon 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN. ...
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At his morning security meeting G. W. Bush is advised the two Brazilian troops were killed in Iraq yesterday. GW jumps up in horror. "How will I tell the people about this. ...
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NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling ...
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1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess stops them and says "sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger."
2. NASA recently sent a ...
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