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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
2. There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take
time to look ...
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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a ...
Viewed 11 times
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a
redhead, and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks
if she has any ...
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Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a
desert. Although it had no significant value, Congress said. "Someone
may steal from it at night."
...
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They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse ...
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Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The i-Tit will cost $499 or $599 ...
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Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day ... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of ...
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If only it were this easy...
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...
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The world was stunned by the news this morning of the death of the
Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the
death occurred at approximately 8:24 AM. ...
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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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Don't really know much about this clip. But the dog's name is Tyson. And he's very cool.
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A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to his place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. They pet for ...
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Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE BITCH.
-
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL 1/2 SNEAKY ...
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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV,
and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but ...
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Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic
in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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I read this article that said typical symptoms of stress are eating too
much, smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they
kidding? That is my idea of a ...
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Douglas Adams Quotes...
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be allowed to do the job.
In the beginning the Universe was ...
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A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little
boy, is your mother home?"
...
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The answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?", I submit the following:
Michael Jordan makes over $300,000 a game. That = $10,000 a minute, at an ...
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A little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, his
mother asked if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him he can't ...
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