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Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Lawyer Jokes

Viewed 13 times
The post office just recalled their newest stamps: they had pictures of lawyers on them...and the people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. How are an apple and a ...

Capitalism and Cows

Viewed 13 times
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Santa's Little Helpers

Viewed 12 times
I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

Ever wonder what Michael Jackson was doing on 9/11

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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe...  "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...

Little Johnny (on sex)

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LITTLE JOHNNY ON SEX Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of sex ...

Happy St. Paula the Bearded Day

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Happy Jan. 20th... Which is also known as... Feast Day of St. Paula the Bearded According to fourth-century legend, Paula was pursued by an enraptured youth into a church, ...

Final Exam - No Excuses

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

First day of school

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It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class; as the teacher walked into the classroom, she notices something written on the blackboard: "T T T 1 A" She looks ...

Golf on Christmas

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Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go ...

Quote of the Week (with picture)

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"Remember your army loves you" - Sergeant Diaz of the Colombian Army (no first name given), during the debut of the new Colombian Army's new mascot, a large inflatable ...

100 fun ways to order pizza

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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a ...

Cowboy Logic

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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

Viewed 6 times
1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all!  2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!  3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...

New Study

Viewed 6 times
A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ...

Redneck Luxuries

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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Pool Redneck Yacht... Yacht

Bill of Rights

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Bill of Rights restated State Representative Mitchell Kaye of Georgia wrote the following: We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get ...

Better with age

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Strange Therapy Sessions A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...

You know you're a Floridian if...

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You know you're a Floridian if... Socks are only for bowling. You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes. A good parking place has ...

3 AM

Viewed 5 times
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...

Texas Math

Viewed 5 times
A business owner in Texas was confused about paying an invoice minus the early payment discount, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her ...

Community Service

Viewed 5 times
One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." ...

 

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