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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
...
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Laboratory Tests
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon
after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she
remarries and over the following ...
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API - Time Magazine reports an interesting case of high-tech graffiti. It
seems that a couple of Intel engineers working on the design of a recent
version of the Pentium ...
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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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Abort, Retry, Ignore?
by: Anonymous Works
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
...
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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...
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1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world, ...
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In 2001 five times more money was spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
That means that in 30 years there will be people
walking around with huge ...
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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe. Larry was a truck ...
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1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind ...
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WHAT IS A CAT ?
1) Cats do what they want
2) They rarely listen to you
3) They're totally unpredictable
4) They whine when they are not happy
5) When you want to ...
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
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A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice
evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was
left of his hair and he decided ...
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A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance.
1. A dog
2. A ...
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Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...
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WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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Q: What do you do when an epileptic has an attack while he's in the bathtub?
A: Throw in your dirty laundry.
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There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.
As every cat owner knows, you don't really own a cat, the cats owns you.
...
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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, ...
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