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Tickle Me Elmo

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A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for ...

Origin of a Holiday Tradition

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Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime ...

Business Slogans Translated

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From "American Demographics" magazine: Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages: When Braniff translated a slogan ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in the ...

TOP 10 OLD FOLKS' PARTY GAMES

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TOP 10 OLD FOLKS' PARTY GAMES 1. Sag - You're It! 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy 3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear 4. Kick the Bucket 5. Red Rover, Red ...

WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN

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WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN "I'm going fishing." Really means, "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by ...

Future Darwin Award Nominees

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For those who are unfamiliar with the Darwin Award, it is given to those who prove by their actions that Darwin was right... People that stupid don't survive long enought to ...

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft

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Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access ...

Headline of the Week

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Legless Man Wanted in Pants Heist - Rueters recently reported that a man with no legs is wanted in West Vancouver for allegedly stealing 10 pairs of pants from The Gap. They ...

A Good Pun Is Its Own Reward

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Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.  A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.  A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.  My wife really ...

Monkey, Lizard, and a Crocodile

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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...

Confession 2

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A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says ...

Santa

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santa

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

He's Not Good Looking

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Two buddies were sitting at the bar in a singles' club and talking about another guy who was sitting at the other end of the bar. "I don't get it," complained the first guy, ...

20 reasons why chocolate is better than sex

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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX: 1) You can GET chocolate. 2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3) Chocolate ...

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

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1.  Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.  You keep more food than beer in the ...

Summer BBQ Season

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After 6 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season.  Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime ...

You Know Your From Michigan

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You know you are from Michigan when: - You own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup - You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit - You have more ...

Interesting quotes

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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you ...

Bill Sux at .18 Microns

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API - Time Magazine reports an interesting case of high-tech graffiti. It seems that a couple of Intel engineers working on the design of a recent version of the Pentium ...

10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say

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10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say: 10) "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex" 9) Duct tape won't fix that 8) Come to think of it I'll have a Heiniken's ...

 

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