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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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You can view all of the News of the Weird at http://www.newsoftheweird.com/
(We have removed actual News of the Weird items to avoid possible copyright infringement.)
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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV,
and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but ...
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Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour
peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced
youngster was up to, he politely asked,
"What ...
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WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and
while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick ...
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A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "I know," he says, they say 'you can't take ...
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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either
with us or ...
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1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
...
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Howard is a 95 year old man who lives in a senior citizen home. Every
night after dinner, Howard goes to the secluded garden behind the center
to sit and ponder his ...
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FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place ...
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A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little
boy, is your mother home?"
...
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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little ...
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Everything I Know I Learned In Corporate America
1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is ...
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Redmond, WA (UPI) -
Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new
operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter
of 1901.
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HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED
======================================
Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks
on rare occasions for himself, ...
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TRUE FUNNY STORIES
-
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she ...
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From "American Demographics" magazine:
Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:
When Braniff translated a slogan ...
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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the ...
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A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the ...
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