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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
Viewed 14 times
ONLY IN AMERICA
Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance...
Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating ...
Viewed 12 times
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not ...
Viewed 12 times
1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
Viewed 11 times
Who originally said...
"My greatest wish is that none of my children become lawyers."
Viewed 11 times
"The Bible shows us the way to go to Heaven, but not the way the heavens
go."
- Galileo Galilei (16th century astronomer)
Viewed 10 times
If only it were this easy...
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...
Viewed 9 times
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or ...
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A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, ...
Viewed 9 times
TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T "Reach in and grab the giblets." 9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!" 8. "I am in the mood for a little dark ...
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A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar:
FREE BEER
FREE BEER
FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender ...
Viewed 8 times
70-year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results.
Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing ...
Viewed 8 times
TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter.
Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must
Die!" written in urine ...
Viewed 7 times
Don't really know much about this clip. But the dog's name is Tyson. And he's very cool.
Viewed 7 times
Howard is a 95 year old man who lives in a senior citizen home. Every
night after dinner, Howard goes to the secluded garden behind the center
to sit and ponder his ...
Viewed 7 times
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
...
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I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That ...
Viewed 7 times
The body of JFK Jr. has been found, so let the jokes begin...
What's the best thing about a Kennedy wedding?
The way arriving guests like to make a big splash.
They're ...
Viewed 7 times
20) Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19) Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17) Too ...
Viewed 6 times
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his
patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy Doc, you're ...
Viewed 6 times
With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $188.00, there
is a better way when we get old &feeble.
I have ascertained that I can get a nice room at the Holiday ...
Viewed 6 times
Sixteen reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than women:
1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly, a woman takes her time.
2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a ...
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After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need
repair or correction. The ...
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