More blonde jokes
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband
said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some young woman
wanting to know ‘if the coast is clear."
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Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let
me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks
in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
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A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts
it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde
replies, "Shut up, you're next."
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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "O.K., what's
the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."
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What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
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A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she
managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying
fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped.
"Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are
you OK ma'am?" "Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped. "Well, how
in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked
car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving
along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left
and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another
tree! I swerved to the left and there was..." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said,
cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your
air freshener swinging back and forth".
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SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT...
- She thought a quarterback was a refund.
- She tripped over the cordless phone.
- She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
- She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
- When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.
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- Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
- What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
- Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
...They're too hard to retrain.
- What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle?
...A dope ring.
- Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
...Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
- What do you call a smart blonde?
...A golden retriever.
- What's the definition of eternity?
...4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
- What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
...An air pocket.
- What do you call a basement full of blondes?
...A whine cellar.
- Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
..."This Goes In Front."
AND THE BEST ONE FOR LAST.....
- What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerio's?
..."Oh, look!! Donut seeds!
