Mid-life for Ladies
Mid-life is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down.
This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
Mid-life women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!"
Mid-life is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.
Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing, know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.
The good news about mid-life is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
