If Men Ruled The World
If Men Ruled the World...
-- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable
response to "I love you."
-- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
-- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
-- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a
"Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
-- Birth control would come in ale or lager.
-- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
-- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the
"public ugliness" ordinance.
-- Garbage would take itself out.
-- Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
-- Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your
wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
-- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only
occur in leap years.
-- St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
-- But it would be celebrated every month.
-- Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to
the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
-- Two words: Ally McNaked
-- Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and
pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view
event In world history.
-- The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat
the losers.
-- The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday
Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
-- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you
responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
-- The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
-- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
-- Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
-- Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of
conversation.
