HOW TO BE A MORON IN AMERICA
HOW TO BE A MORON IN AMERICA
Latest Entries in the Moron Award Sweepstakes.
Not quite stupid enough for the Darwin awards, but they are working on
it.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen
dollars.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?]
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A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and
carrying agun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
"FREEZE,MOTHER-STICKERS,THIS IS A F _ _ _-UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers
started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing.
It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun.
He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.
The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the
bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved "Freeze, mother-stickers,
this is a fxxk-up!"
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Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze,and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious.
Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
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As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him
in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out
of the car and told to stand there for a positiveID.
To which he replied "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."
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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor-home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor-home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor-home's
sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
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The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun and demanded
cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.
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Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they
pulled the bumper off their truck.
Scared, they left the scene and drove home...
With the chain still attached to the machine...
With their bumper still attached to the chain...
With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
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A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was
a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone,
and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the
newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the
thief was arrested.
