Hollywood Squares 2
Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when
game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are
now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose Marie, Charlie Weaver, George Gobel, and
that host of hosts, Peter Marshall.
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.
Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly
and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get
older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say
"I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods
because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.
Peter Marshall: What are "Do It," "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment.
Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other
Cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't recommend the
cookies!
Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious in the street,
should you do anything?
George Gobel: I'd probably crawl around him, I guess.
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are
you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational
Research, a wife should be beware if another woman takes an interest in
a certain item of her husband's clothing. What item?
Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind...
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at
nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in
this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the
closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Peter Marshall: Can boys join the camp fire girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his
tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
Peter Marshall: True or false, George...experts say there are only seven
or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.
Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give
birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with
getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting
"Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body;
what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than
150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margret would like
to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while.
Why?
Paul Lynde: He's out of town.
Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star
in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your
wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its
sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes
in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are
they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be
at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you
probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake!
Peter Marshall: In a very famous movie who said, "God, what a dump?"
Paul Lynde: Dumbo.
