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Headlines


ACTUAL NEWS HEADLINES



GATORS TO FACE SEMINOLES WITH PETERS OUT

The Tallahassee Bugle



MESSIAH CLIMAXES IN CHORUS OF HALLELUJAHS

The Anchorage Alaska Times



GOVERNOR'S PENIS BUSY [should be "Pen Is"]

The New Haven Connecticut Register



THANKS TO PRESIDENT CLINTON, STAFF SGT. FRUER NOW HAS A SON

The Arkansas Plainsman



CLINTON PLACES DICKEY IN GORE'S HANDS

Bangor Maine News



STARR AGHAST AT FIRST LADY SEX POSITION

The Washington Times



CLINTON STIFF ON WITHDRAWAL

The Bosnia Bugle



LONG ISLAND STIFFENS FOR LILI'S BLOW

Newsday



ORGAN FESTIVAL ENDS IN SMASHING CLIMAX

San Antonio Rose



PETROLEUM JELLY KEEPS IDLE TOOLS RUST-FREE

Chicago Daily News



TEXTRON INC. MAKES OFFER TO SCREW COMPANY STOCKHOLDERS

The Miami Herald



MARRIED PRIESTS IN CATHOLIC CHURCH A LONG TIME COMING

The New Haven Connecticut Register



GOVERNOR CHILES OFFERS RARE OPPORTUNITY TO GOOSE HUNTERS

The Tallahassee Democrat



WOULD SHE CLIMB TO THE TOP OF MR. EVEREST AGAIN? ABSOLUTELY!

The Houston Chronicle




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