Gifts for men
Gifts for men
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he
already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to
complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words.
"Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"OK. By the way, are you through with your 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A
99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer, or something to hang
from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars.
No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes,
he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn
out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the
little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and
flips, and flips.
Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit
in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Rule #7:
Do not buy a married man after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do
not stink -- they are earthy. These gifts are OK for single men. But
remember that for them this is just a means to an end, like a cat sees
bird seed.
Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a
couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks.
Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.
No one knows why.
Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the
box. It will ruin his Special Day, and he will always have parts
left over.
Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Ace Hardware, Big 5, Home Depot,
John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts
and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It
doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.)
"From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need."
"Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger and action. That's why they never cook -- unless the
cooking process involves a gadget that does something cool. That is
why they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound
propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The
challenge! Smoke and flames! Who wants a hamburger?" Get him the
George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine. "Whoa! Look at the grease
come out of that burger!" Don't get him a bread machine -- booooring.
Rule #12:
Tickets to a ball game are a smart gift. However, he will not
appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why.
Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If
you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he
gets a label maker.
Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension
ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension
ladder.
No one knows why.
Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at
least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8"
manila rope. No one knows why.
