Embarrassing Moments 2
Oh balls...
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
balls."
- Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
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Dumb-Struck...
I was standing at the checkout with my two-year-old son, and there was a
heavyset gal in line a head of us. As the cashier scanned the lady's
items, the bar-code reader gave off a continuous beeping sound. All of
a sudden, my son said loudly, "Mommy, watch out! She's going to back
up!" That was the only time in my life I wanted to crawl into a hole.
- Heather Barlow, 21, Hortonville, WI
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Nuts About You...
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my sister
has never let me forget.
- Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
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Curl up and die...
I once walked into a hair salon- with my husband and three kids in tow -
and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
- Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
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Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I
wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and
get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our
guest.
- Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
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Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out
so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our
Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture,
laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I
stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my
son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a
camera!
- Name Withheld
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Na na na-na nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence
was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the
door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
- Amy Richardson, Stafford, VA
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Surprise!
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but
my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we
heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I
give her a nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to
miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the
bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of
people yelled, "SURPRISE!" My entire family: aunts, uncles,
grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there. My
girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for
what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has
planned a surprise party again.
- Tim Cahill, Poughkeepsie, NY
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These are good. I wanted to share one with you that happened to me this
weekend.
Danielle, Tim and I were putting a piece of workout equipment together,
and Danielle had the screwdriver and screw and was helping us put this
thing together and out of her mouth she relied "I just love to screw"
and "don't you think I am the best screwer". Tim and I just started
laughing. He was also very glad that she is only 5 years old and not 16
saying those words.
- Lori Greene, Tampa, FL
