Comprehending Engineers
Some of you have voiced that Engineers are a different breed....Perhaps the
following will help you understand us.....
Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The
doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with
him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over
30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company
contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they
were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in
chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where
your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for
his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build
targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with that?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet." ----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether
it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a
solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of
the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers - TakeTen
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week"
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
