All About Texas
As a TEXAN I thought I would share a few of the things I have learned in my 30 years of living in this Heaven on Earth located South of the Red River and North of the Rio Grande. I can personally attest to the following points as being true:
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep".
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in TEXAS and probably a half dozen species or more in your own backyard.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. 9,999 live in TEXAS.
Armadillos love to dig holes under all bedding plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
If you own a home, and haven't treated for termites, you have termites. Call Orkin RIGHT now!
You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner.
Pecan is pronounced "puh-con".
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
TEXAS has 6 seasons:
1. Spring, Feb 16 to April 15
2. Summer, April 16 to July 15 temp 90 to 98 degrees)
3. Super Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees)
4. Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
5. Fall, Oct 2 to Dec. 1
6. Winter Dec. 2 to Feb 15 The wind blows at 90MPH
(THIS IS EXCESSIVE) from Oct. 2 until July 15, then it stops totally.
(This does not apply to West TEXAS.)
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic and they multiply even faster than rabbits.
Coldbeer is one word.
People actually grow and eat Okra - - and what's more, they like it.
TEXANS really don't have an accent - it's the rest of the world that talks funny.
When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.
Green grass DOES burn, as does your skin if you don't run fast enough to the next shade tree.
When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night,
Cats come and go as they please.
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple of weeks. After that, you don't even notice them anymore.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor.
A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation and is drinkable to most of the livestock. The Fish and Game Dept. will help you stock them. In addition, they make good fishin' and swimmin' holes too.
"Bakards and Forards" means I know everything about a subject or the way to go if you're giving directions.
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. Then you get up the next morning before it's light enough to see, and start over.
Opossum is pronounced "possum" and resembles a big hairless rat.
"Fixnto" is one word - - and probably one of the most used words in the true Texan's vocabulary.
The best mall parking places are not measured by how close to the door they are, but how close to shade they are.
